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| The Happiest Place on Earth (California Version). |
Last week I loaded the family car and navigated through a pair of mountain passes and California farm flatlands. Some seven hours later the Moores found Disneyland.
I learned a few things on this trip, the least of which that a "vacation" with a toddler to Disneyland is not a vacation.
It is, however, an experience unlike any of my time as a father.
So, when I take the family to see Mickey Mouse again, I'll be a bit more prepared.
Things learned (in no particular order):
1. Meeting Mickey Mouse is equivalent to meeting the President...
I'm serious. After waiting for what seemed to be half the day with a hoard of impatient children we were led into a small room with three other families. That room led into another room where Mr. Mouse himself awaited with a handler and photographer. No one said a word. After waiting with more patience we finally approached Mickey, who extended a large, gloved hand. A few stupid-face comments in hushed tones and a photograph later we were shown out the back exit. The whole thing still freaks me out.
2. By 2 p.m. in the afternoon Disneyland and California Adventure theme parks turn into a land of cranky kids and strung-out parents...
We've all been there. The sun is beating down, the lines are endless and you need a nap more than the crazy toddler fighting to break out of the stroller like a prisoner from Alcatraz. This is the real test for any parent. Kelli and I resolved to never get too hungry or too tired. In reality, that was just something nice we said. Lesson learned -- maybe. At least in the Happiest Place on Earth you don't get the judgmental looks from other parents. You get the half smile and the eyes that seem to scream: "I feel you... And, no, you can't leave that thing here."
3. Theme parks smell like a mix of friend food, sunscreen, wet diapers and desperation...
This is why the rides go high into the sky and blow as much fresh air in your face as possible. See No. 2.
4. The Tea Cups were invented by Satan...
I don't know what it is, but the older I get the more I realize how weak my stomach is. I can eat a plate of Buffalo wings and be fine (well, at least I accept the consequences). But throw me on a ride that spins around in circles and I feel like I'm bouncing around a centrifuge without a seatbelt. Figures this would be Scarlett's favorite ride. The same applies for anything that swings, apparently. If you get a chance to go on Mickey's Wheel of Terror (the ferris wheel in California Adventure), stick with the "Non-Swinging" buckets. You'll thank me when you're 150 feet in the air and not swinging wildly in metal box. Traded the camera for an air-sick bag on that one.
5. Disney princess should be nominated for sainthood...
I don't know how much Princesses Ariel and Cinderella make, but they should be given a raise. I'm assuming they're supported by some royal fund (or perhaps the Lannisters) but regardless of the wage it can't be enough. Seeing my little girl light up with excitement as they engaged her in conversation and play was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. It was as if no other little girl existed. Spend any time on Main Street, U.S.A. on a spring Saturday and you know this isn't the case.
